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welcome to the trench chapter of interdimensional hostage bullshit anonymous! unfortunately no one can come to the phone right now because we’re being fucked over by the multiverse again, so leave a message after the beep. we’ll get back to you if we’re still here.

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all right that shoudl be fine then

(Oh....he's aware all right. He's already dead inside just thinking about it.)

you should avoid going alone anywhere richie. stranger danger is relevant in every world
but like especially here. the buddy system is the only system we should care about

(Says the kid who habitually wanders off alone but he's a veteran he's allowed.)

one year there was a literal tidal wave of blood and i got in a bad car wreck because of it so
yeah
raining blood sounds basically what will happen. unfortuantely
it's basically the worst fucking nightmare ever. theres not enough sanitizer in the world to make you feel clean during that month

okay

first of all
the incense i make dont smell like fuckin underwear. i mean they still have that musky smell most incense have but you can totally smell the lavender
which apparently soothes nerves
though verdicts still out on THAT bullshit

second of all
you're gonna wanna tap into your imagination in this place
and remember that it's a dream. that's like the thing people always struggle with the most. people dont wanna admit that this place is a DREAM
it is though
or it's a real fucky universe that sure feels a lot like a dream. and in dreams rules aren't really a thing and logic isnt really a thing

so like i dont know why the incense work but they do so it's just one of those times in town where you gotta be like "well fuck it better than being dog food for Clifford with rabies over here"

I am literally the only person in this house right now alone is the default here
btw do you have a sleeping bag or an extra mattress bc if shit’s going to hit the fan at top speed this October I’m crashing at your place

holy shit I wasn’t serious when I mentioned the rain of blood what the fuck
you okay???
grooooooooss

I didn’t mean the incense smells like used underwear I meant like
ok you know how dogs smell things differently from humans?? like how people sometimes use them on TV to sniff out dead bodies or shit like that
maybe to us it smells like lavender or whatever but to the monsters it smells like rotten eggs or whatever it is that they can’t stand the smell of

weirdest fucking dream I’ve ever had so far tbh
hey if this is a dream how come everyone’s arms are normal and nobody’s got like spaghetti arms or shit like that??
instead it’s just blood floods and train crashes and monsters
do you think Sodder’s seen horror movies a few too many times?

did you get chased by a werewolf once or something bc that’s weirdly specific Eds

wait you dont have a mattress?????
you SHOULD crash at my place anyway in october and if you dont have a mattress in general
you'll fuck up your back sleeping on the floor.
jesus honestly. i'll get you a mattress.
bill and ben can house you too

i literally have not been okay since we had to deal with pongo the fucking clown actually scratch that since i was a toddler
thats why god invented xanax

oh
yeah
actually that probably is what it is. it'd make sense anyway. i can never tell in this place what makes reasonable sense and what's just weird symbology

one month we woke up as dolls so some people did have noodly arms.
also i'd argue that not everyones arms are normal considering i have a fake one now
i think all of our subconciouses mesh together and make an orgy of bad awful stuff happen that's what i think

i feel like you probably dont actually want to hear my answer to that question

I have a mattress but I can’t lift a whole fucking mattress out of the room and all the way to your place
what if we all just crash together in one place when October comes

is anyone really okay if they have to fight a cannibal demon clown from the black lagoon in the sewers for the summer and they can’t even use it for their essay on what they did that summer
but actually I meant
did the blood tide thing permanently fuck something up? or is it just like, no permanent physical damage but oh BOY the nightmares are gonna be really fucking vivid

will the rotten eggs/lavender incense sticks work if I walk around with one burning or does it just work in one place??

“one month we all woke up as dolls”
😨
that is not a sentence I ever thought I would read and now I’m gonna have fucking nightmares about waking up as a doll
somebody’s subconscious oughta start thinking about less terrifying shit like bunnies and chocolates stat then before October hits and we all almost drown in blood and shit

the fact that that’s your answer is just
you did
didn’t you

wait
you dipshit
just sleep in MY bed why would we need a second whole ass mattress or sleeping bag

(Okay. Hold on. That actually cracks him up a little. He's just glad he's alone because he doesn't have to stifle his laugh quite as much. The laughter fades though because man, why did he even bring up the tidal wave. He just played himself.)

it kind of did i guess.

it should work if you walk around with it, yeah. they make these little swinging metal pot things
you know
like at church when the dude walks down the aisle swinging it around and smokes coming out. i dont remember what it's called

dude you're really not gonna have a good time here.

(Eddie actually feels kind of bad about that. So-)

theres at least like. a lot to do here when stuffs not awful. and there's sometimes really wild fun parties and there's a lot of really nice animals

i didnt get chased by a werewolf. i became a sort of wolf? thing? dragon wolf thing. it was actually pretty badass looking chloe got a pic of it somewhere but yea i think i did the chasing there

you were kind of a werewolf though. i mean. not YOU you but you before you got here. he was a werewolf for a while. but he never chased me. i mostly just slept on him and told him what a good boy he was

[Because if he sleeps next to Eddie he will explode from how close they are. But he can’t say that, and he can’t tell Eddie that he doesn’t want to sleep next to him because that would be a filthy lie, he does.]

idk I figured you’d be annoyed with the snoring
but as long as you’re cool with that then I’ll just steal the blankets from this house and come right on over

that’s
it’s a shitty thing to have happened to you
like thank fucking god you didn’t drown in blood but also fuck this town for trying

[And it tried a lot, it seems, from the scars and the missing arm.]

well
the world I was in before I got here almost ended
when I got there it took like three days for me to get stuck in a town that was being attacked by monsters and robots and like three actual fucking goddesses
really pissed about being summoned
we only VERY narrowly managed to save the world and shit and then we literally got spat out into our own fucking funeral
so like
if there’s one thing all these places have in common it’s that you’re just going to have a motherfucker of a time
I’ll get used to it I just need a little time

do they card at these parties
if they card that’s no problem for me I can just shift and look older but getting the clothes on is a fucking chore
like the deer? they seem pretty swell

that is actually so much better than I was expecting
could you breathe fire???

[Is it possible to be jealous of yourself? Who knows. Richie’s definitely making a good crack at it, though, sitting in his room blushing furiously. He puts the Fluid down for a moment, turns, and screams into his pillow.]

it sounds like I made for the dorkiest werewolf ever
was this at the same time as the dragon wolf thing or no

Edited 2020-09-08 02:20 (UTC)

(Oh man...)

i'm cool with it.

(Eddie himself has to take a moment because yeah, yeah that was definitely going to be an experience. He was used to sharing a bed with Richie by now, but he wasn't used to Richie not being used to it back and Eddie was suddenly worried about sharing-bed-etiquette and what was a normal way to share a bed with a Normal Friend. He was totally googling what the least-gay way to share a bed with your bro was.

The results were super not helpful.)

yeah this town's
a piece of work sometimes.

okay i am not saying this cause im glad you went through all that because that sounds like its own brand of weird fucked up alt universe shit
but i am also kind of relieved that you kind of get it too
im still half convinced that these places are just testing us or something
like rab lats and seeing how we react under pressure

oh dude it is so easy to get alcohol at those things. they definitely card but there's a lot of ways around it.
theres also sometimes food that does really weird stuff to you. sometimes it's fun and other times it's stressful it's really a toss-up
i didnt even think of that though holy shit that's great
do you have some lame catch phrase when you transform into an adult. like do you have to go "Silver Fox Maaake Up!" or some shit?

no i dont think so? i dont remember it that much to be totally honest which ironically means it was one of the better experiences here. i think i had some sorta power while being that

(Okay, but for real, Eddie would be so glad to know that he's not the only person who has ever been jealous of himself. That was legit one of the weirdest feelings to experience and he experienced it constantly.)

you totally were.
no this was a long time after. the dragon wolf thing happened my first year here.
"baby's first october" should be a shirt they sell in this place

cool
okay

[What have you done Richie Tozier.]

it was very fucked up and I hated every second but at least there was a diner in between running for my life and accidentally showing a friend that time the clown tried to kill me
so yeah I get it
even in between all the shit there's SOMETHING that's good

oh so bring your own snacks then
you know it's weird that this is just a constant across these places though??? sometimes parties happen and sometimes at these parties you eat something and it makes you act all weird for the night
I wonder if there's some kind of manual for throwing parties when you're an interdimensional kidnapper and spiking the drinks with weird magic is just a way to spice up the party

nope I just duck into a bathroom and hope nobody notices that a forty-year-old guy walked out with a duffel bag a fourteen-year-old kid came in with
screaming "silver fox maaaake up" in a bathroom is a surefire way to get myself arrested by a mall cop again

aww
a fire-breathing dragon wolf Eddie would've been cool to see
not that I want you to turn into anything other than you right now you're good the way you are

we could sell the shirts
"I Survived October" in big bloody letters

wait are you coming over now now
or now-tonight

oh i hate memory share stuff. get used to THAT shit being used against you all the time here. along with any personal shit you have going on

guess everyone has to party sometimes but maybe especially in hell places like these. guess it is to keep group morale up or something
the clothes here can sometimes be enchanted too for the parties. like this one year if you even touched the clothes it made you go bonkers to wear them and go to the party even if you werent a partying kinda person

octobers just around the bend who knows maybe you'll get to see it after all

(W o w. Okay. Eddie could deal with this situation up until Richie starts saying stuff like that. It's Eddie's turn to bury his face into a pillow and wish for an early death.)

wow stumpy arm and everything?

they'd sell like hot cakes.

that depends
are you free right now??
I have comic books from the shop here and like four candy bars left over from a different world

ugh I hate that shit
I think my memories getting blasted out to the public were probably responsible for at least two people developing a fear of clowns
it’s fucking awful that memory share shit always goes for the shitty traumatic memories like there isn’t a MILLION other memories to choose from
you could just have a boring day at school broadcast on the network

[Richie is exceedingly lucky so far, though, that nobody but Caleb’s seen anything more than the clown, and Caleb was already gay before then. He is well aware of that luck, and how easily it could run out on him before he gets the chance to tell.

He’s going to have to tell Eddie at least some of his secret, sooner or later. But for now, let it be later.]

oh great now you can’t trust clothes either
but at least places like this know how to throw a fuckin’ party

yes
stumpy arm and everything
don’t get me wrong I hate that so much shit happened to you and losing a limb just straight up fucking sucks a rotten cock no matter what but
you’re still you, you know? despite everything
you’re still good

[Eddie is Eddie, and Richie’s always going to love him the most, even in the Losers, even in this family that he loves with all his heart. He’ll love him, he thinks, until they’re both dust and ashes for good.]

$10 a shirt
we’ll be so rich we can buy a lifetime supply of incense

i mean. yes.
yeah you can come over now

(He was just going to have to...fix things in his room. Which he's already sprinting around to do.)

please tell me your diet consists of more than just candy bars
like you eat real meals too right

this one time here there were like zombie versions of people from our worlds. so people got to see my mom and henry bowers as a zombie and that went about as well as you'd think
it's probably because boring days at school aren't what get glued inside your head

(Eddie's had far too many private moments of his own life just casually thrown into people's faces. Mostly traumatic, yeah, but there were other things too. And he had taken years to get to where he was about all of that stuff. He didn't even know how far Richie was on all that, and he wasn't about to push him into a corner over it.

He wasn't about to do anything period. Except just try and be a normal friend.

Which is apparently going to be impossible. Eddie had some pretty weird feelings about losing his arm that sounded delusional out of context. It didn't bother him as much as people might think, but then again, he'd always dealt with physical pain with a shocking amount of grace. It was provable, that's why. Losing his arm wasn't in his head like everything his mom had wanted him to believe. A doctor couldn't look him in the eye and lie about him losing his arm. Eddie could see it for himself.

...But still... The only nervousness he'd had about the whole thing was, admittedly, pretty shallow. He already had issues with how he looked and God knows one of his first coherent thoughts after losing his limb had been him worrying about what Richie might think. Which in hindsight was really stupid for a whole slew of reasons. Stupid because he should have already known Richie wouldn't see him any differently. Stupid because he probably shouldn't be worried about that at all.

But he was and seeing Richie say stuff like that gives him a staggering sort of relief. You're still good. Eddie looks down at his freshly crafted prosthetic and the ceramic fingers. Still good. Yeah, he could take that.

Eddie realizes it's been like a solid ten minutes of having an existential crisis and he's snatching his phone back up.)

thanks richie. (Anticlimatic, maybe, but he was busy trying not to burst into tears. He's slammed with how much he missed Richie and he feels antsier than he has in weeks.)

i'm actually making incense right now. i dont even buy em
we can put the money towards something significantly cooler

okay cool hold on

[He’s just going to frantically fix himself up, in the meantime. Is this shirt okay? Do these pants look fine? This is Eddie, he won’t give a shit if Richie comes up looking like he just rolled out of bed, but damn it maybe Richie wants to look like he didn’t.

Oh god he has to change out of this shirt, there’s a weird stain on it.]

ezbake mac n cheese and Froot Loops
I’m kidding
the candy bars are just for when I’m on the go
if I wanted an actual meal back in superhero Earth I’d nuke the leftovers or order takeout, they give me discounts bc I’m an imPort (aka interdimensional hostage)

oh
I just imagined Bowers as a zombie and almost puked
that’s fucking horrible
were the others here at least
at least they’re not here-here they just show up as like
zombies or hallucinations or shit like that
just once
just fucking once
one of those memory share things should just be an hour of the shittiest English class
no clown bullshit just
that time you didn’t study failed a pop quiz or something
like it would be embarrassing as fuck but at this point, fuck it, no one’s ever been scared of quizzes

you’re welcome

[And he’ll keep saying it and saying it until it sinks in, and past that.]

how do you make incense anyway
projector and silver screen for the clubhouse
for movie marathons

cool, yeah. let me know when you're gonna head out.

(Eddie was already blessedly dressed for the occasion, but he had gone out to run errands earlier and he rarely left the house unstyled or underdressed. He was way more worried about obscuring some hard-hitting evidence like the R+E that had been carefully, lovingly carved into his bed's headboard. He winds up taping some dried flowers over it instead. It didn't look that out of place. Dried flowers were all around his bed. He winds up taking some polaroids down.

There's a spare pair of Richie's glasses that he kept on his nightstand next to his own inhaler, but neither wind up touched. He's had both there for a little over two years now and wasn't about to move them. They were reminders - important ones - of things Eddie didn't want to forget no matter how much it sucked to sometimes remember.

He also winds up putting away the concerning amount of orange pill bottles that sat on his desk. He leaves only three out. Different pain medications. Normal stuff for a guy who just had a body make-over. But now - did he play music? He was already playing music but maybe that'd be too-)

ugh.
okay. so i'll make you dinner tonight too then

stan showed up as a zombie. i think georgie did too. but that's about it.

you only say that because you're like, smart. i think ive failed like every pop quiz i ever had because i just fuckin blank on the spot and panic for the 5 minutes we're supposed to take it in and then the teachers like "pass your papers up" and im sitting there and forgot to even write my name at th top lol

(And now he was a formal school drop out. Miracles do happen.)

i will show you when you get here. it's not too difficult
oooooh
thats actually
a really good idea

just give me five minutes

[Five minutes for Richie to hurriedly comb his hair and look presentable the way his mom used to despair he would never look. It's—debatable how successful this attempt is.]

I actually meant were Bill and Ben here when that happened but
fuck that sucks
although holy fuck Stan would fucking hate being a zombie
he'd be the worst zombie

[The image of meticulous, fastidious Stanley Uris shambling around, moaning for brains and covered in dirt, sets off a small, slightly horrified guffaw. It's an awful thing to laugh at, but it's so incongruous with Stan's everything that he can't help it.]

fuck pop quizzes tbh I honestly always hated them
at least you don't have to worry about them now

see sometimes I have good ideas
you could introduce us to the new Disney movies and I could show you guys John Belushi movies

bill was and i think bev? ben came after im pretty sure. it's kind of hard to keep track especially cause once you guys leave i kinda forget. you were there. we actually took down bowers together it was pretty satisfying

he really was the worst zombie.

ffffuck no never again either. i ditched school like years ago it was the best decision i ever made

youre like 80% good ideas and then the rest is just wild card
we can start having like actual movie nights
which will probably get disrupted at some point by the town but shit still worth tryng

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