deercountry inbox.

[measuringdicks]

welcome to the trench chapter of interdimensional hostage bullshit anonymous! unfortunately no one can come to the phone right now because we’re being fucked over by the multiverse again, so leave a message after the beep. we’ll get back to you if we’re still here.

video | voice | text | action

gif from stanleybarbur.

Comments

text - some timmmme after permanent arrival

[clussy]

(Listen. If Eddie was scoping the contacts in his phone for Richie's name to pop up the way names popped up when someone was in town for real? That's no one's business but Eddie's.

But also he has zero self-restraint and pretty much immediately sends Richie a message.)

hey
whats the last thing you remember





it's eddie

(He adds the last bit on for the sheer possibility of this being a totally different Richie.)

text

[measuringdicks]

from Derry, from superhero Earth, or from my first night here?
be specific Eddie

[Yep, same Richie.]

sometime...before mind merge

[clussy]

hey.
you should try to sleep tonight. i've got a cot set up in the basement and everything. and i got some stuff you can take if you want. and like these weird pajamas this chick gave me that's supposed to help you sleep. you can wear em

(The Yearning is strong tonight and the Yearning to Take Care of Richie is even stronger. He is completely ignoring the fact that he hasn't slept himself lately either.)

[measuringdicks]

[Thirty minutes later, having calmed himself down from a fresh wave of panic about the thing he just saw darting out of the corner of his eye on the way back:]

it's fine!
it's fine Eddie really
I'm okay right now
you probably need the sleep more than I do right now since you're the one making like Florence Nightingale and hanging out at people's bedsides
all I've been doing is errands
if I need to pass out in the cot I'll tell you

[And meanwhile Richie and his Mimikyu will stand guard at the entrance, two restless and shitty sentinels.]

text || un: wheeler

[micycle]

hey uh
sorry i was a dick and stole your chocolate bar

i was possessed by a demon for awhile



also i'm mike

text; un: trashmouth

[measuringdicks]

that explains so fucking much
you owe me a new chocolate bar
to be collected as soon as blood stops gushing from the walls every so often

I'm Richie but you already knew that
Eddie mentioned I had lookalikes around and I was wondering when I'd run into them but I didn't think any of them would steal my goddamn candy

Voice: un: trienemybest

[droptheious]

Is it just me or is Eddie acting weirder than usual?

voice

[measuringdicks]

Oh, thank fucking god, someone else noticed! Chloe and I have been keeping an eye on him and he's been acting really fucking weird lately. He came over to hang out and we watched a movie about an exorcism and he said some really weird shit. Not to mention he looked exhausted as fuck.

video sometime in idfk first week of december...

[clussy]

(Pulling up, two months later, with a Starbucks coffee Traumatized and Wrecked-

Richie is the second person he reaches out to after everything. Chloe was the first just to let her know that he wasn't dead. Richie, he knew, was going to be a more complicated thing. They had talked and everything the past two months, but the past two months had been swayed by blood and terror and possession and hadn't been...

They hadn't been anything Eddie wanted. He hated that this had happened again. That months had passed by with weird tension with Richie all because Deerington couldn't ever cut them any fucking slack.

Exorcism was miserable. Snapping back into his usual body was even more miserable. Having spent a month being occupied by a demon who didn't give a fuck about his health left him underweight even more than usual and bruised with all the demon-generic bruises you'd find in any horror movie about possession. Eddie slept for a whole day, but to his credit, as soon as he woke up he contacted who he needed to.

It did take a few hours for him to figure out how to start with Richie. Finally, he sends a video. He looks rough, in a too-big sweater (Shiro's) and his hair entirely unstyled, a curly mass, and probably the biggest sign that he was sick. Or something like feeling sick. When he does eventually speak, his voice is hoarse and soft.)

Hey. (He hesitates, nervous, knowing he wasn't...A good person the past month. He was still trying to factor in what he was supposed to do about everyone else he'd hurt. Eddie couldn't think about that now. He had to focus on Richie. Just Richie.)

Um. I'm...(What does someone even say about this?) I'm me again.

(Yeah, that's gonna have to do.)

I uh- I...I'm sorry. Something happened but I'm...okay now. Did you maybe want to-. You should come over. I'd rather talk about this in person. (It felt like they both deserved an in-person chat rather than talking over a phone.)

If you want. I'm in my greenhouse - uh. Which I have now. In my backyard. It's enchanted. (And he was sitting in it currently - obvious by the flowers in the background. It was completely irrelevant to everything but Eddie was too nervous not to ramble pointlessly.)

video

[measuringdicks]

Oh thank fucking god. [Eddie pulling away the past couple of weeks has been enough to set Richie’s worry right off again. Now that he has some idea what had been going on (an inaccurate one, but still), he has not been able to stop worrying. He’s been down the road of getting fucked over by fellow imPorts before, and the idea that Eddie might’ve somehow pissed one of them off enough to have his mind messed with—

Well, not like he could do much else but anxiously watch and keep an eye out for anything suspicious. But anyway, his response comes in about twenty minutes later, and the reason why is currently sitting on the table in a Tupperware container, surrounded by empty seasoning packets.]

Are you okay? Wait, don’t answer that, you said you were okay already. I’m coming over right now, I just gotta clean up first. [He did make something of a mess, along with a bowl of instant noodle soup.]

I would’ve made something else, but, um. [Alas, he has not gotten that good yet. But he is trying.] Anyway, it’s—you have no idea how good it is to see you.

ok sorry but i had to - like two days after their emotional talk ok ok - text

[clussy]

Oh.




by the way







clean up your fucking house what do you think this is a fraternity???

[measuringdicks]

I fucking WISH it was a frat house
then I wouldn’t be the one doing all the cooking around here
anyway it’s fine you can still see the floor

text; un: price is right

[tagartist]

so he really wasn't hallucinating huh

[measuringdicks]

nope this is real we’re dating now
we accept gifts in the form of cakes and ice cream





how do I be a good boyfriend this is the first time I have ever been one and I am freaking the fuck out
what if I fuck this up

voice - sometime after Vday.

[clussy]

Hey.

(Guess who sounds emotional and wobbly. It's this guuuy. There's this solid minute silence where Eddie just internally panics and Richie no doubt can Feel It. But he manages to speak up again.)

So I maybe have something terrible to tell you that maybe will make you reconsider the whole boyfriend thing and I'm not sure if I'd even blame you but just know ahead of time that if you do I will absolutely burst out into tears even though I'm saying right now I'm okay with it. But I definitely need to tell you because it would be super fucked up if I didn't.

(You ever just miss that Kaspbrak Mile-a-Minute way of talking, cause, here it be.)

voice

[measuringdicks]

Oh god I did actually fuck up with the ring-pop prank.

[Yeah, that’s the first thing his brain jumps to, the ring-pops.]

video -> some time after the event.

[clussy]

Hey, baby. Do you want to go rob the hospital sometime? It'll probably be dangerous but if there's anyone here I'd rob a hospital with, it's you.

(Eddie you weren't supposed to make this proposal sound like a date.

Also, he does not register that he just used a pet name.)

[measuringdicks]

[Just give him ten minutes to respond because baby knocked him off his feet. Venkman is truly the most patient Mimikyu in history because he’s spent the past ten minutes peacefully munching on a sandwich while Richie chatters excitedly and nervously about baby.

When Richie does, finally, respond, his hair is slightly less unruly.]

Eds, hon, I want it on the record I think robbing the creepy-ass hospital is the weirdest idea for a date I’ve ever heard. [A beat.] Sure, I’m in, they’re showing some romantic drama today in the cinema and it’s boring as fuck.

Video UN: RadRidingHood

[clickclickbloom]

Hey-Uh, Richie, right?

I'm Ruby, Ruby Rose.

Shiro said you were going to be delivering supplies to people in need. I let him know I'd offer to keep an eye out on you incase things got dangerous out there. Protection from monsters and stuff like that.

I wont force it on you but I figured I could at least do my part to help out.

video; un: trashmouth

[measuringdicks]

[When Richie shows up on the video feed, his hair is covering the right side of his head, and the lack of ear on that side.]

Hi! Yeah, I’ve got a bike and a baseball bat, and last month kinda showed me how fucked I would be if I kept going with just a baseball bat, so. I appreciate you keeping an eye out for me.

I need to work out the logistics first with Shiro and whoever’s actually got the supplies, but if you’ve got any ideas about protection from monsters I’m all for hearing it. I do not wanna get fucked up by a monster again.

very end of march/early aprilish

[clussy]

(Eddie doesn't even know how to type this message. He never thought he would have to and there's...literally no one else he even wants to look at or talk to right now beyond Richie because. Welp.)

so
as a heads up
chloe's gone. so.

action

[measuringdicks]

I’ll be right there

[Richie shows up five minutes later with a blanket and some ice cream. He doesn’t say anything, just shuffles over, drapes the blanket over Eddie’s shoulders, and puts the ice cream in his lap. Then he plops down next to him and puts an arm around his torso.]

‘M sorry.

text; around 3/10

[shiro2hero]

after to night i am convinced that he is the human embodiment of

drunk and bad decisions.

text;

[measuringdicks]

well I mean what did you expect this town is full of people who are
total
shit
at making good choices
even while sober

r u ok
do you need a designated driver because I can’t drive but I can put an extra seat on my bike

eggggggggggggggs sometime very shortly after egg drop / and eddie's post

[clussy]

(Eddie's been running on fumes. Kind of literally with all the spray paint he's gone around town with. Everything has him on edge but Richie in particular. In some ways, he's been avoiding him out of sheer fear, and in other ways, when he hasn't been avoiding him he's been obsessively clinging. He can't figure out the balance and hasn't been able to since prom.

And he wasn't even mad about that anymore. He never stayed mad at Richie for long in general. And now definitely wasn't the time to stay mad. When he gets the bag filled with eggs his first instinct is to immediately smash them all without a second thought. Just throw them out the window and call it a day. He would have...If it weren't for Richie.

He physically stops himself halfway through whipped the bag at a wall and winds up going straight home to Richie. Eddie's worn thin from everything, looking thinner and paler, his eyes glassy and vaguely unfocused. But the moment he sees Richie his eyes sharpen up and focus. Gucci's nestled at the head of the bed crushed comfortably between Richie and the wall passed out cold. Eddie drops a kiss on both Gucci's head and Richie's, lingering with Richie half to see if he was still running a fever or not.

Five seconds later, he's tucking down against Richie, eggs left aside, and pulls at one of Richie's arms. He was in a cuddling mood and he has no clue how else to ask except for yanking at Richie like they were still seven years old. Some things never change.)

Did you get the eggs too? (He already knew the answer but hey. Natural conversation starters.)

[measuringdicks]

[Richie’s only beginning to wake from a nap when Eddie comes in, squinting blearily at the Eddie-shaped blob for a moment like he’s trying to work out if that is Eddie or not. Then the blob pulls him into a cuddle, and hey, yeah, okay, this is Eddie. Richie easily wraps his arms around him, but otherwise just doesn’t really move. Please don’t ask him to move because everything hurts at the moment.

The eggs?

Oh, right, those. They are now on the bedside table under the custody of Venkman, who is carefully making sure none of them fall off the edge until Richie figures out what the hell to do with them.]

Yeah. Thought it was a fever dream at first. It wouldn’t be the first time I had a weird-ass fever dream, just the first one with eggs involved. [He nuzzles Eddie’s hair.]

You heard the guy, though. What’re we gonna do about ‘em? [The eggs, and the family, Mother Superior, Ramona and the Dog Keeper. All of it: what do they do?

More to the point, what can Richie himself do that will keep him at Eddie’s side?]

random text idek when

[clussy]

btw meet our new son ravi
it's not short for anything
it's just ravi
i'm teaching him how to carry medical supplies so if you see him with a scalpel or a syringe dont panic

anyway look how cute he is

[measuringdicks]

I love and adore him immediately
I'm naming him Ravi Lovey Ravioli Tozier-Kaspbrak
Kaspbrak-Tozier
you get what I mean

he's going to be the first raccoon in the history of raccoons to be a medic AND a comedian
I'm gonna teach him to do tricks

text; dead of night sometime in september (Cw: dick joke song/body shaming)

[munchie]

I found your theme song ❤️

(And she proceeds to link this video.)

text;

[measuringdicks]

rude
just ask your mom how big my dick is

cw: spit (un: klapbak)

[klussy]

this is a really weird request





but can i spit on you
i need to test something

and i dont wanna test it on animals
not that i think it's gonna hurt you
i just don't want to spit on a dog

(But spitting on his boyfriend is obviously fine. #Standards.)

tw is it kinkshaming if he says it with love

[measuringdicks]

baby you know I love you and I would let you do anything for your tests
but also
wow
kinky
spitting on your boyfriend gets you going ok got it sure

action in duh middle of the night

[klussy]

(Eddie wasn't sleeping. He was just resting in bed next to Richie, flat on his back, staring at the ceiling, thinking. He looked more like himself: he wasn't as green or fanged. There was something softer in his gaze, thoughtful and distant, and he had been quiet since he got home, clearly thinking about something.

Finally, just as sleep started to crawl into their bed with them, Eddie speaks up with a quiet voice; the quiet he used to use whenever Richie slept over in secret back in Derry:)

Hey.

(He wets his lips, a little nervous.)

Are you awake? (Eddie's going to assume he is.) I've been thinking lately. A lot. About us. And I'm sorry. About like. Everything I think. I can't remember everything perfectly but I'm sorry I've been like. Kind of a pain in the ass about our relationship sometimes. Like. Sorry. You know, I've been thinking it over and we don't need to like date date to be happy or touch each other or whatever. It's cool to just. Be together. I'm fine with that. I'm sorry I've acted like I'm - like I'm not.

(Apparently they were having this conversation at 3:23 am.)

wheezes

[measuringdicks]

[Richie's only half-awake, nose twitching when Eddie starts to speak. One eye cracks blearily open to look at him, and he does his best to listen even though right now, his brain is a puddle. This is a serious relationship talk! He needs to hear this.

What comes out of him, though, is a tired mmmmmmf.]

F'rgiven. [He mumbles this while trying to grab for Eddie and pull him back in for sleep.] Love you. 'M'too sleepy.

video; un: lady

[dohaeris]

[sansa and lady look as poised and well-dressed as ever, perched on her couch in front of her raven-tapestry backdrop.]

Hallo Richie, I hope you're well. I was only wondering if your clinic treats people for corruption, and if Knight, my blood hound, might be of use to you there. I mean to treat more than just those that will come and see me. We can come over later this evening, if you like. I do have a few other things I'd like to discuss with you.

[measuringdicks]

Yeah, it does. Can’t say I’m qualified to treat the really fucked-up cases right now, but if you’re willing to lend Knight to me then I’m definitely gonna want him around. Just mind all the animals.

[And he does mean all the animals. The thing about Eddie was that he loved them like almost nothing else, and so Richie loved them too, and so he looks after them in his place.]

Hey, Alayne, you don’t have to ask. You can just come over any time if you and Lady wanna hang with S’mores, it’s a free country. Town. Whatever.