deercountry inbox.

[measuringdicks]

welcome to the trench chapter of interdimensional hostage bullshit anonymous! unfortunately no one can come to the phone right now because we’re being fucked over by the multiverse again, so leave a message after the beep. we’ll get back to you if we’re still here.

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gif from stanleybarbur.

Comments

[clussy]

that would actually be pretty awesome. the pole in me feels insulted at having to be an italian parent but i'll get over it

im not gonna lie i had no fucking clue there was ANY dick jokes in there
youre such a dork for even getting that out of that holy shit
i read that kind of shit and my brain just turns into slush and i have no fucking clue what it's saying at all. idont know what bawdy even means. i thought it was talking about a clock or some shit

(That's about as far as his literature evaluation on anything ever got.)

oh god yeah i have no idea what her name was either
or if the teachers were even the same period

they just couldnt handle your macro dick brain. who can blame em it's overwhelming

[measuringdicks]

wow kinky didn’t know you liked having a Pole in you
does this mean you’re a size queen
should I be taking notes

[Yeah, he’s fully aware of what Eddie means, but frankly this is an opportunity he isn’t going to pass up. Never mind that Eddie will fluster him about it in the next message, it’ll be worth it!]

I don’t blame you
it was taught SO boring
but ok listen
Shakespeare was a HACK
everybody thought he was a hack who wrote basically soap operas with plot lines he stole from slightly better soaps and a shitload of dick jokes
but boy did people fucking love the dick jokes
and I guess the plots and sword fights too whatever
but lbr idc about Romeo and Juliet’s tragic love story they were just horny kids
I DO care about “give me my long sword, ho” being a real thing a real actor has to say in the script
I know it’s not intentional but this is the best fucking line in the entire play hands fucking down

you’re right my wang IS overwhelming thank you for acknowledging this truth at last

[He didn’t misread that last bit. He’s just trying to rile Eddie up, again.]

[clussy]

first of all, i AM a size queen so you SHOULD be taking notes so they can gather dust in your drawer of Too Much of A Pussy To do Anything About It

secondly, I meant polish you asshole.

if I knew whatever national makeup you had going for you i'd probably make some joke about that but you're like most generic white boy ever. probably? i think tozier is english??

(Yup basically exactly that.)

i think it just IS boring, dude
how could it be taught in a way that doesn't make you wanna die
though dont get me wrong I do respect the dick joke game I think that's amazing and something he should be applauded for
I just cant even catch most f the dick jokes so it feels like a moot point

(That or he's just like. Stupid.)

you could just compile every dick joke he's ever made and show it to me.
people always love dick jokes. they're superior to every other joke ever
it wasnt even that tragic. romeo was a fucking moron who didn't even bother to check for a pulse. it was just stupid.
they totally were horny kids though lol
dudes always wanna say they're in love with someone but then dont even know their last name
its wild
I feel like Monty python does this stuff way better but that could just be because it's a little more modern or whatever and dumbs it down
though im pretty sure i miss a lot of the jokes in that too
that is a pretty good line I'll give you that
definitely better than the wheretoare thout juliet












sometimes you say stuff and I am like yea it makes sense I am your first boyfriend and that you're still a virgin

(Consider him properly riled. You can practically hear the Bitch Tone.)

dipshit

(FOR GOOD MEASURE.)