deercountry inbox.

[measuringdicks]

welcome to the trench chapter of interdimensional hostage bullshit anonymous! unfortunately no one can come to the phone right now because we’re being fucked over by the multiverse again, so leave a message after the beep. we’ll get back to you if we’re still here.

video | voice | text | action

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Comments

[measuringdicks]

[Thirty minutes later, having calmed himself down from a fresh wave of panic about the thing he just saw darting out of the corner of his eye on the way back:]

it's fine!
it's fine Eddie really
I'm okay right now
you probably need the sleep more than I do right now since you're the one making like Florence Nightingale and hanging out at people's bedsides
all I've been doing is errands
if I need to pass out in the cot I'll tell you

[And meanwhile Richie and his Mimikyu will stand guard at the entrance, two restless and shitty sentinels.]

[clussy]

oh. sorry. i wasnt clear enough.

i wasnt like
ASKING if you wanted or needed to rest

i was telling you to rest.

(This is how you care about someone, right.)

[measuringdicks]

[Totally is!]

uhhhhh
no??
I have so much shit to do right now I'll rest later
it's your turn in the cot
finally you'll have longer than ten minutes to enjoy it
don't worry I'll come for it later but again Way Too Much Shit to do out here before there's yet another fucking tower of dead bodies

[clussy]

what the hell do you have to do???
you're not a soldier, richie.
fine
then i want to spend my turn in the cot with you specifically.
the tower of dead bodies doesnt COME inside so we could chill out for that hour.

[measuringdicks]

get toilet paper and bleach and potato chips
blow your uncle in the back alley behind the grocery store if he’s here

[Yeah, he’s in a tetchy mood he doesn’t want Eddie to see if he’s resorting to sex jokes this early.]

how about this
you sleep and I will sit by the windows with Venkman and idk
insult monsters until they run away crying

[Never mind that last time he tried that on whatever’s been following him, all that happened was he got a bitch of a headache. Richie is willing to try again instead of, you know, lie in the same cot as Eddie, unable to sleep because Eddie is right there.]

[clussy]

are you fucking serious right now? are you really doing this? RIGHT NOW?

(This may be a text conversation but like, man, you can practically Hear the bitch intonation increase by 100%. He didn't even know what upset him the most. There was a massive sense of impatience, some weird 0.5% of completely directionless and pointless jealousy, and the rest was just raw frustration.

And a huge part of him was just upset because all he wanted to do was soak up some time with the one person who seemed to manage to make him calm no matter how awful the world around them was. But. Like. What's conveying that in a normal way? He could feel himself entering full-blown tantrum zone but he was way too proud to admit that he was essentially about to resort to "Toddler Cries Because Toy Is Broken" reaction.)

you wouldnt even know what to do with a dick one was in front of you!!!!

Oh.


IM SORRY.

i didnt realize YOU were the one with medical training. and i didnt realize you had become a fucking child soldier overnight
Fucking Forgive Me
yes, why don't you come play knight in shining armor over my poor damsel in distress self that's exactly what i need and want right now. for you to fuck off and stand distantly in the corner of a room while i roast my nuts on ambien
great
sounds awesome

there shouldnt even BE monsters this close to the house anyway

[measuringdicks]

where
the fuck
did you get all that
I didn’t say “oh let me administer to your patients while you sleep Eddie I can totally handle this me with my ZERO MEDICAL EXPERTISE”
I didn’t even say “oh let me and my sad little monster pet whose best move is just scratching people up fight all the other bigger monsters for no fuckin reason”
I just said “you take a break first I’ll keep an eye out and if anything comes close I’ll chase it off by yelling at it” holy shit
way to put words in my fucking mouth

also
child soldier????
Eddie the most training I got in how to hit things was literally just “this is how you hold a thing”
you’re the veteran medic here not me all I did in superhero world was try to break into the comedy circuit
all I’m doing here is just looting stores and trying to get inside before I get crushed by a goddamn pile of dead bodies
sorry to disappoint but I’m not a total badass like you think I am

yeah but
they could TRY

[clussy]

(Richie was evidently not the only one cracking under the month.)

I got it from me trying to tell you to take a rest so you can be healthier but you're being like No I Wont Do That
Like an idiot
and telling ME to sleep instead

(Which........to be fair........Richie was right. Eddie really needed to sleep too. Clearly. Really, Richie's suggestion of taking shifts was the smarter one, but what are processing emotions and rational thinking when you're half insane from the month?)

you're the one all "I need to keep watch" !
dont worry dude i do not think you're a badass at all.

i dont WANT to take a break first.
i WANTED to take a break WITH you
because i just kind of wanted five seconds of normalcy where neither of us had to keep an eye out for monsters

but they're not. this place is supposed to give people a BREAK from that shit.

(...Theoretically.)

[measuringdicks]

[The thing is, Richie isn’t thinking rationally either. Mostly, what he is thinking is that there’s a monster stalking him out of the corner of his eye, and it doesn’t give a shit about incense, and if both he and Eddie are unconscious then it’ll have its chance. But if one of them is conscious, then it won’t be able to do anything! And since Richie’s the one it’s interested in, he might as well take first shift! It’s a brilliant plan!

Too bad he has not told Eddie any of this.]

I didn’t say I wasn’t going to do it I said I’d do it LATER
I miss sleep too

excuse you have you seen the fucking mess outside of COURSE someone has to keep watch
besides the monsters everybody’s insane from not sleeping or drinking blood cocktails or whatever and this is super public so
again I am not going to fucking fight them I’m just going to chase them off

you can get that five seconds even without me!!
it isn’t hard just
lie in the cot
close your eyes
and fucking nap
you’ll know when your five seconds of normalcy are up bc I’ll be shoving your ass out of the cot and taking it over for MY five seconds

theoretically
again see: everyone being bugfuck insane

[clussy]

people ARE keeping watch we have a bunch of idiot hero types walking aorund this place are you kidding

i dont want you chasing shit off cause if it doesnt work they could chase you and hurt you, richie! jesus!

it'd be a better five seconds with you oh my god!!

fuck it.
forget it.