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[measuringdicks]

welcome to the trench chapter of interdimensional hostage bullshit anonymous! unfortunately no one can come to the phone right now because we’re being fucked over by the multiverse again, so leave a message after the beep. we’ll get back to you if we’re still here.

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[measuringdicks]

Oh. [There's a beat. Then, as if somewhat embarrassed to admit this:] I turned into a werewolf in October. I didn't chew off anyone's limbs or anything, but I was kind of...let's just say it was a fucking mess. So, y'know—I hope they're doing okay now that they're not a flesh-eating fucking dragon.

[Ordinarily, in his heart of hearts, Richie kind of thinks it would be fun to turn into a real actual dragon. But like, one with control over himself.]

So are you okay with any metal, or does it need to be a specific type? Like, should I focus on getting iron or aluminum, or can I just dump whatever metal scraps I can find at your doorstep?

[droptheious]

Oh. Are you cured now? And yeah, he's okay now. I've checked up on him. He feels pretty awful about it, which I can't blame him for. This place never turned me into a literal monster, but it sure turned me into a figurative one.

[Or rather, it brought out in him something that was always there. Something he'd been trying to get rid of. It was a harsh reminder that this place can always turn you into someone you don't want to be.]

Any type you can find is fine. I'll sift through it, and anything I won't use for the leg, I'll use in something else. I can always use more metal, honestly. And thanks.

[measuringdicks]

Would I be talking to you right now with actual words if I wasn't cured? [A pause.] Sounds like it fucking sucked, huh? I'd say we should form a club for people who get turned into monsters, literal or figurative, but I think that'd be—just over half the people here.

[So far as Richie can tell, anyway, but considering the depressingly high number of people he personally knows who have, at least once, been turned into something not quite human, he's pretty sure he's safe in assuming such a high statistic.]

You're welcome. Try not to lose any more limbs, yeah? We don't have a handy six million dollars' worth of metal around. [A pause. Wait, he has to explain the reference, doesn't he.] Six Million Dollar Man. It's a show about this guy who gets blown up in a plane crash, but then rebuilt with bionic implants that costs like six million dollars. You could probably steal some ideas from it if you watched it.

[Pause.]

Jesus, I oughta start giving out pamphlets about movies and shit at this rate.

[droptheious]

Yes? I know a werewolf back home and she can speak in both forms just fine. [Yes. He knows a werewolf.] I have a feeling that would be almost everyone, much less just over half. It's pretty much Sodder's favourite game.

[She continues to be the worst.]

Don't worry, I don't have any plans to lose any more limbs. And thanks for the explanation. I'll be sure to check that out, I probably could get useful ideas from there.

[Oh, Richie, that gets a laugh out of him.]

I mean, I know I'd appreciate that. There's so many movies, I want to be sure I watch the best ones first.

[measuringdicks]

...they can do that? Werewolf movies fucking lied to me. [He's so annoyed.] I was being generous, but wow, yeah, that's probably way more accurate. People turning into monsters happens way too often.

[There's a hum.]

I'd say Star Wars, but that's three movies, so you'd have to put a whole weekend aside to watch it all. [Nine, not that Richie knows that. It's probably a good thing.] Try Indiana Jones if you want some good fun. Or The Thing if you wanna be scared shitless.

[droptheious]

At least the one I know can. I guess she has more of a wolf curse than actual werewolfism. But still. It does. That's why I've been trying to make sure I can give out a steady supply of antidote when it's needed.

I think I get scared in this place enough. I do like fun. Is one of those an adventure story? I like those.

[measuringdicks]

If she can turn into a wolf during the full moon there's no real difference. [Spoken like he's an expert in this kind of thing, and not someone who just knows about werewolves from horror movies.]

Indiana Jones, totally—it's about this guy who goes around fighting bad guys for mysterious artifacts so he can put 'em in museums. Star Wars is, uh, well. If you know what Sith and Jedi are, it's pretty much about them. [And seeing as Maul has blown up on the network fairly recently, there's no way he wouldn't know.] The Thing is great, but the first time a friend of mine watched it he was so scared he almost shit his pants behind the couch.

[A friend of mine, he says, like it totally wasn't Richie.]

[droptheious]

She can turn into a wolf whenever she wants. She just... does it.

[Catlalina has some pretty impressive skills. ]

Oh, that sounds pretty cool! I like mysterious artefacts. [That's... that's not the point there, Varian. Oh. And that's something he recognises. The terms if nothing else.] You... you mean like Maul?

[He casts Richie a pointed look.]

Were you the friend?

[measuringdicks]

You'll love Indiana Jones, then. I think you probably might get some ideas out of it too! And yeah, like Maul. But he doesn't show up in the movies, far as I know. [At some point someone probably should tell him about the prequels.] I'd remember seeing a guy like him in them. He's fucking loud.

[And when Richie Tozier says you're loud...

A beat. Then:] Nnnnnope.

[It totally was.]

[droptheious]

I do like getting ideas. [When he constructs a deadly stone ball trap in the town this is all on you, Richie. ] And yeah, he is pretty loud. And angry. And stabby.

[He's just giving you a look, Buddy. Both for the loud comment and for that denial.]

Uh- huuuuuh.