deercountry inbox.

[measuringdicks]

welcome to the trench chapter of interdimensional hostage bullshit anonymous! unfortunately no one can come to the phone right now because we’re being fucked over by the multiverse again, so leave a message after the beep. we’ll get back to you if we’re still here.

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Comments

[tagartist]

fuck this up???
richie, idk if you can't see it because you're practically fucking blind, but anyone who knows eddie knows that he's fucking crazy about you
i'm pretty sure neither of you could fuck this up if you tried
that's the good part about liking someone who knows what a god damn disaster you are from the start i guess

tw slur

[measuringdicks]

you have met me at least four times and yet you severely underestimate my capacity for being a fuck-up
but I just
I want him to be happy
I want him to be happy with me specifically but all the relationship advice I’ve ever gotten is from movies and TV
and like two people who were like “ok it doesn’t completely get better in the 21st century but you are not a horrible human being for being a huge flaming homo” and that was more in general and not specifically about relationships
I don’t know what I’m doing????

what if I accidentally push too hard on something
I don’t want him to feel like he’s gotta do shit and change things to please me
he said he doesn’t feel like that around me which is good but like what if
I fuck up
on that front
and I don’t even know it

[tagartist]

dude i’m gonna let you in on a secret
none of us know what we’re fucking doing
you’re gonna say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and you guys are gonna hurt each other and because it’s deerington you’re gonna have all your insecurities exploited and used against you and your relationship
but that doesn’t mean you’re gonna fuck it up

if you want advice, which i am completely unqualified to give as a person who has made a god damn mess of my own relationships on the regular for the last however many years i’ve attempted dating, it’s to just be you
in all your lame ass, loud mouthed, bullshitting glory
i know that sounds corny as fuck, but it’s the truth
you guys are best friends
you’ve been through hell and back together and you haven’t let that change your dedication to each other
just... keep that. prioritize him as your best friend first and you’ll always have something to fight for

and if there is one thing i’ve learned over the years of watching you guys, of watching eddie, it’s that YOU are what makes him happy
whether that’s as a friend or a boyfriend
he’s never happier or stronger or more himself than when he’s got you here
i’m not joking when i say you can’t fuck this up
because he already knows what a fuck up you are
and if i had to guess, i’d say it’s probably what he loves most about you

and fyi i feel like puking just writing that, i gotta punch a wall to feel manly again

[measuringdicks]

[All that—actually makes him feel a hell of a lot better, really. That note about Deerington is a bit concerning, okay, but otherwise this is the kind of advice Richie needed to hear. Eddie is his best friend, and he's been devoted to him since...eh, basically forever. So long as he keeps sight of that, they'll be okay.]

he makes me happy too
always has
nothing gets me going more than making him laugh it's like winning the fucking lottery right there

it's cornier than a corn field in Iowa
but you're not wrong
I'm still terrified of fucking it up bc I don't always think shit through before saying it (sur-fucking-prise) but
we've known each other since we were seven and he has heard all my best and worst jokes and lived through the time I thought I could be a ventriloquist and the time we nearly got eaten by an evil clown monster so

it's just
you know
I never actually thought this would happen
at all
this is brand new territory for me

cool join the club
I'm trying not to make a joke about how big my dick is just to feel more normal since we're being sincere about our feelings and all
but it is
fucking
killing
me
not making it

[tagartist]

yeah
i get it
the first time max told me she was into me, i had a full blown panic attack, because i thought she was either pulling one over on me or that she was just in my head and i was hearing what i wanted to instead of it actually being a like. reality.
i think i threw up on her shoes
it was very romantic
anyway it's new for him too, right?
so you guys can figure your shit out together
just like you always have

make a big dick joke, we'll both feel better

[measuringdicks]

funnily enough I almost puked on Eddie's bedroom floor
the only thing that stopped me was Eddie shoving me in his bathroom's direction so you know it was all very romantic and shit
I would've thought it was a joke?
except I know Eddie and there's shit he wouldn't really joke about

yeah he also freaked out about it I think he wasn't entirely planning it either???
he didn't barf though!
very proud of him

okay okay
if you say it like that how could I resist
my dick is so big that ten states classified it as a deadly weapon bc they thought I shoved a rifle in my pants