deercountry inbox.

[measuringdicks]

welcome to the trench chapter of interdimensional hostage bullshit anonymous! unfortunately no one can come to the phone right now because we’re being fucked over by the multiverse again, so leave a message after the beep. we’ll get back to you if we’re still here.

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Comments

[measuringdicks]

yeah back in Derry
but then I got yanked into another world right after fighting off a demon clown
so that was a fucking shitshow

[micycle]

[ !!!!!!!!! ]

you mean another world like this one?
what was it like?

[measuringdicks]

well when I got there it was 2019 so first I had to deal with suddenly being in the future and THEN there was a fucking apocalypse that we just barely managed to stop
but otherwise
not as bad as Deerington
I got superpowers and everything

[micycle]

you have superpowers

[measuringdicks]

I have superpowers
completely fucking useless in October but very useful in very specific places
Deerington is not one of them

also they went all fucky since I got here so they barely count anymore

[micycle]

okay but like
what specific places?
what can you do?

[just let him geek out!!!!!!]

[measuringdicks]

well
if I need to get away from assholes like the ones back home I could tell them about their mom being a doorknob (everyone gets a turn) and they'd pass out [which is an exaggeration.]
if there was a comedy club around here and it carded people I could just hide in an alleyway and turn into 40yo me
and if I ever crank call someone here I can sound like literally anyone else

but only the last one still works

[micycle]

[Give him a second to process.]



well those are all extremely specific
but still pretty cool
i mean if i could turn into older me i'd be using that everywhere


do you mean like monster assholes or just asshole assholes

[measuringdicks]

tbh I did and I still would if it didn’t hurt like a bitch switching back and forth now
I’d use it just to be able to reach shelves do you know how fucking hard it is to reach the top shelf in Hart Mart
older me is six feet tall (six foot one I think) it’s a fucking crime I don’t get to turn into that more often now

asshole assholes usually
monster assholes tended to catch me by surprise

[micycle]

i mean
i'm 5'10" so no
give it a year

and asshole assholes used to give me hard time too
then my friend broke one of their arms
so maybe you should try that?

[He's joking.]

tw assumed child death

[measuringdicks]

hope you’re savoring the title of “tallest asshole” now bc it won’t last

idk if you’re being serious or not but
we did get one thrown down a well does that count?
he must’ve broken SOMETHING in the fall probably his neck if not his arm
it was pretty fucking far

[micycle]

you didn’t like
check
?

[Not like he’s worried for the asshole, but??]

[measuringdicks]

it was a deep well idk how anyone could survive a fall like that
plus he hit something on the way down
if none of that kills him idk what will

[He'll regret saying this in about 27 years, give or take.]

also we were trying not to get eaten by a fucking sewer-dwelling demon clown
checking to see if Bowers made it out okay was nowhere near the top of our priority list

[micycle]

[Okay, see, that makes a lot more sense. He was definitely imagining that these kids just shoved a bully down a well and left.]

the whole clown thing just gets worse every time i hear about it

we had sewer clowns here once but it was different
they turned other people into monsters
and my friend sort of
ate his boyfriend
i guess

[measuringdicks]

[ngl the thought of doing so has entered Richie’s mind once or twice.]

yeah you and the only other person who I ever told about the clown
if you think hearing about it is horrible imagine what it was like having to actually fight It bc let me tell you
I would’ve rather spent the entire summer doing laundry and mowing the lawn every day than fight It

what are the chances of the sewer clowns coming back
I’d say asking for a friend but tbh I’m just asking so I know to put duct tape over the drains and avoid the sewers

what
is your friend okay
is his boyfriend okay

[micycle]

shit usually doesn't repeat here
and that was like a year and a half ago
so you're probably safe from sewer clowns

[Well. Don't quote him on that.]

and i mean they died but
they came back
people do that here

[measuringdicks]

oh good
I mean I'll probably still put duct tape over the drains anyway but
good to know it's mostly unfounded paranoia

oh
yeah
kinda noticed
seems like a trend in these kinds of places it was the same on superhero world

[micycle]

did it ever happen to you
in superhero world

[measuringdicks]

surprisingly no
I almost died a couple of times and I did end up an emotionless shell for most of February bc of monsters called heartless but I didn't die
but there were people who did
most of them came back

why
did it happen to you here

[micycle]

oh
yeah
it was awhile ago

and pretty much everyone i know has done it once or twice now
so it's not really a big deal

[liar liar plants for hire]

[measuringdicks]

yeah almost dying and the heartless thing fucked me up for a while so
I’m pretty sure it’s a way bigger deal than you’d think

but then again I’m new and I’ve never actually died so what the fuck do I know right

[This is very transparently an out that Richie’s offering here.]

kind of weird that all these places have not staying dead in common though