measuringdicks | deercountry inbox.

Yeah. I know he has zero brain-to-mouth filter like... 80% of the time, but he's definitely coming off more so that way than usual.

Do you think this place is messing with him? Has he been carrying around any unusual artefacts? That sometimes does it.

No, it isn’t just that. It’s like... [He waves a hand in the air, forgetting this is voice and not video.] He talks a lot and he talks fast and bitchy, that’s just how he is. But he’s—colder, I think. More willing to pull some shady shit.

[There’s pragmatism, which Richie understands, then there’s simple coldness, and the latter coming from Eddie is strange and off-putting.]

Honestly? I’d say the skeletons did something, but I dug some of that shit up and I’m not feeling any different. [A pause. Then:] Y’know, we were watching The Exorcist? It was his suggestion. And in the first twenty minutes we argued about demons. He was on the demons’ side, which was—really fucking weird. That help in your diagnosis or do you need more?

Yeah, can see that. I don't know him as well as you do and honestly, my ability to pick up social cues is sketchy at best- but even I can tell he's not himself.

[And it's a little worrying, honestly.]

The little ones that give our weapons? I interacted with some of them and got no side effects. I think they were safe.

...Is that the movie with the little girl who's head spins around? [Look, he's still getting used to this, okay.] And that's... worrying, yes. Eddie's never struck me as someone who'd be rooting for the demon trying to kill everyone. If he hasn't picked anything up from town- then is it possible he's being influenced by another Sleeper? There are people here with some pretty insane powers - maybe someone has a grudge.

If even you can tell, imagine how fucking bizarre it’s been for me.

[Very fucking bizarre.]

Well, no, not them, but I got some armor from them. I meant actual skeletons of monsters—did you notice they’ve been popping up all over the place?

You got it. It’s pretty scary. And yeah, me neither. Eddie’s usually the opposite. Plus there was a scene I thought he’d skip, but he just kept watching. [As calm and tranquil as he never usually was.] Maybe? He’s been here longer than me, I wouldn’t be surprised if he picked up a couple enemies among other Sleepers. I just don’t know who.

Not a fun time, I can bet.

OH, those. Fern brought a couple home. I've been stuck inside for the last few weeks- lost my leg in October so I've been on strict and boring bedrest.

[Maybe if he mentions the leg thing casually enough every time, at some point someone will be cool about it. Maybe.]

Me either. Eddies is kinda... [obnoxious] well he's someone you grow to like. And there are a lot of actual psychopaths in his place. An enemy is possible. But trying to find out who would be tricky- especially if Eddie's already acting weird already. He might not be able to tell you who has a grudge against him this month.

Well, we could narrow it down even without Eddie's help. Do you know if any of those psychopaths have mind control powers or something? Or if they have magic? I know Chloe thinks Eddie's—

[Wait, hold on.]

You lost your fucking leg?!

I guess there is that. I don't think I know anyone who would be particularly inclined to-

Yeeeaaah. It got chewed off by a dragon. I'm building a prosthetic. It's- well, it's not fine, but there's not a whole lot I can do about that, so.

[So it's repression all the way!]

It got fucking what. [What the fuck.] Okay. Okay. Jesus fucking Christ, people have got to stop losing limbs around here, what the fuck is this, Star Wars?

[badum-tish. Wait, no, Varian probably doesn't know what that is.]

Movie series. People keep losing their hands in it. [Okay it only happened twice in three movies, but still.] Do you need any materials or something? Or like, someone who can make grocery runs while you're on bed rest, or d'you already have people on that?

Well, to be fair, I didn't go out thinking "gee, it sure would be great to lose a limb today".

[Richie is a bro and fills him in before he has to ask the question. Sounds like a weird movie concept, but whatever. The future is weird.]

Thanks, I appreciate that. Glitch is handling the grocery runs, but I won't say no to more materials. I can't exactly run around getting stuff for the new leg. On account fo the fact I can't run anyway currently.

Nobody does! Jeez. Do I have to worry about a fucking dragon around town now?

[Please god no. Richie has enough problems already.]

Okay. What kinda stuff do you need for it? [Yeah, he knows they've wandered off the topic of Eddie, but Richie needs to do something concrete so he doesn't get stuck on worrying about Eddie, about what's going on with him. He can't do anything at the moment but keep a cautious eye out, and you can't fill a whole day with that.]

Nah, you're safe. They were a Sleeper that got turned into a dragon. They're normal now.

[And anonymous. Varian doesn't want Kurt to deal with any more grief than he's already giving himself.

Varian's not the best At People, but he can at least see the deflection for what it is and move with it.]

Metal, mostly. Anything I can make good solid joints with too- it'll need to make a knee and ankle.

Oh. [There's a beat. Then, as if somewhat embarrassed to admit this:] I turned into a werewolf in October. I didn't chew off anyone's limbs or anything, but I was kind of...let's just say it was a fucking mess. So, y'know—I hope they're doing okay now that they're not a flesh-eating fucking dragon.

[Ordinarily, in his heart of hearts, Richie kind of thinks it would be fun to turn into a real actual dragon. But like, one with control over himself.]

So are you okay with any metal, or does it need to be a specific type? Like, should I focus on getting iron or aluminum, or can I just dump whatever metal scraps I can find at your doorstep?

Oh. Are you cured now? And yeah, he's okay now. I've checked up on him. He feels pretty awful about it, which I can't blame him for. This place never turned me into a literal monster, but it sure turned me into a figurative one.

[Or rather, it brought out in him something that was always there. Something he'd been trying to get rid of. It was a harsh reminder that this place can always turn you into someone you don't want to be.]

Any type you can find is fine. I'll sift through it, and anything I won't use for the leg, I'll use in something else. I can always use more metal, honestly. And thanks.

Would I be talking to you right now with actual words if I wasn't cured? [A pause.] Sounds like it fucking sucked, huh? I'd say we should form a club for people who get turned into monsters, literal or figurative, but I think that'd be—just over half the people here.

[So far as Richie can tell, anyway, but considering the depressingly high number of people he personally knows who have, at least once, been turned into something not quite human, he's pretty sure he's safe in assuming such a high statistic.]

You're welcome. Try not to lose any more limbs, yeah? We don't have a handy six million dollars' worth of metal around. [A pause. Wait, he has to explain the reference, doesn't he.] Six Million Dollar Man. It's a show about this guy who gets blown up in a plane crash, but then rebuilt with bionic implants that costs like six million dollars. You could probably steal some ideas from it if you watched it.

[Pause.]

Jesus, I oughta start giving out pamphlets about movies and shit at this rate.

Yes? I know a werewolf back home and she can speak in both forms just fine. [Yes. He knows a werewolf.] I have a feeling that would be almost everyone, much less just over half. It's pretty much Sodder's favourite game.

[She continues to be the worst.]

Don't worry, I don't have any plans to lose any more limbs. And thanks for the explanation. I'll be sure to check that out, I probably could get useful ideas from there.

[Oh, Richie, that gets a laugh out of him.]

I mean, I know I'd appreciate that. There's so many movies, I want to be sure I watch the best ones first.

...they can do that? Werewolf movies fucking lied to me. [He's so annoyed.] I was being generous, but wow, yeah, that's probably way more accurate. People turning into monsters happens way too often.

[There's a hum.]

I'd say Star Wars, but that's three movies, so you'd have to put a whole weekend aside to watch it all. [Nine, not that Richie knows that. It's probably a good thing.] Try Indiana Jones if you want some good fun. Or The Thing if you wanna be scared shitless.

At least the one I know can. I guess she has more of a wolf curse than actual werewolfism. But still. It does. That's why I've been trying to make sure I can give out a steady supply of antidote when it's needed.

I think I get scared in this place enough. I do like fun. Is one of those an adventure story? I like those.

If she can turn into a wolf during the full moon there's no real difference. [Spoken like he's an expert in this kind of thing, and not someone who just knows about werewolves from horror movies.]

Indiana Jones, totally—it's about this guy who goes around fighting bad guys for mysterious artifacts so he can put 'em in museums. Star Wars is, uh, well. If you know what Sith and Jedi are, it's pretty much about them. [And seeing as Maul has blown up on the network fairly recently, there's no way he wouldn't know.] The Thing is great, but the first time a friend of mine watched it he was so scared he almost shit his pants behind the couch.

[A friend of mine, he says, like it totally wasn't Richie.]

She can turn into a wolf whenever she wants. She just... does it.

[Catlalina has some pretty impressive skills. ]

Oh, that sounds pretty cool! I like mysterious artefacts. [That's... that's not the point there, Varian. Oh. And that's something he recognises. The terms if nothing else.] You... you mean like Maul?

[He casts Richie a pointed look.]

Were you the friend?

You'll love Indiana Jones, then. I think you probably might get some ideas out of it too! And yeah, like Maul. But he doesn't show up in the movies, far as I know. [At some point someone probably should tell him about the prequels.] I'd remember seeing a guy like him in them. He's fucking loud.

[And when Richie Tozier says you're loud...

A beat. Then:] Nnnnnope.

[It totally was.]

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