measuringdicks | deercountry inbox.

Oh.

by the way

clean up your fucking house what do you think this is a fraternity???

I fucking WISH it was a frat house
then I wouldn’t be the one doing all the cooking around here
anyway it’s fine you can still see the floor

you COULD live with me
you dont have to live alone
or you could at least come over for dinner more regularly i make it practically every night or chloe does or there's leftovers

AND i do everyones laundry

do you even bathe anymore

(He knows Richie bathes he's just being an asshole to prove a point here.)

once every week to build up that sexy musk that drives all the guys wild duh
but seriously
I’m going to come over every night for free dinner now I’m sick of my own cooking

can still do my own laundry tho I’m not completely useless on the clean clothes front
I just know when to pick my battles

wow i must be immune then
you dipshit
i dont know why youre not here more often anyway
it's not like my moms breathing down our necks anymore

fun fact but you would also get breakfast in the morning if you stayed the night too

(HINT HINT.)

if you say so.
but next time i come over to your house it better have a more visible floor or im leaving immediately

well I didn't come over last month for obvious reasons so
plus October was
October
but hey you've guessed your Christmas gift
the gift of my presence

fuck yes I'm staying the night
we can have regular sleepovers and not worry about waking your mom up late at night since she's not here and Chloe is way cooler

[The image attached is that of the floor of Richie's house. It is significantly less cluttered, but now all the mess is on the furniture. Venkman is standing atop a pile of books, his shadowy tendrils flung out as if to proclaim himself king of the world.]

come over you can see ALL of the floor now

[Yeah Richie is just trying to rile Eddie up now.]

yea but you didnt wanna come over the month BEFORE either

wow. there's not even a return receipt with that is there

i have no idea if you'll like your christmas gift.

yeah and most nights chloe seems to be at ashe's anyway so it's basically house to ourselves

(Which was a sorely underappreciated moment they have yet to take advantage of.

He stares and stares and speculates why this was the one. He had awful taste.)

do you expect me to sit on the FLOOR?

yeah but I'll make up for it now

nope
no returns no refunds bitch
honestly I probably will I have really low standards for Christmas presents now since being dragged out of Derry and into another universe
you could give me anything and I'd love it

[Because it's Eddie, and not because of what Richie implied in the sentence immediately previous. But even now, knowing Eddie kissed him, Richie's first instinct is still to duck behind a mask and pray he doesn't see.

He debates deleting the last sentence. He lets it stand.]

who's Ashe
is she hot
should I expect Chloe to bring her or someone home or what

no Mr Bond I expect you to sit on a blanket on the floor
okay pretend I said that in a German voice it's funnier that way

im glad it took demonic possession and blood party for u to finally say yes to a sleepover.

(Eddie just be grateful damn dude...)

yeah you probably would you dork.

(Eddie........is so fucking tired. His gay soul has aged a thousand years.)

i dont fucking know richie why dont you go chat up about women with someone who gives a shit about women
she's literally just a chick.
i dont know if shes hot. shes old?? i dont fuckin care? or know?
go ask someone else. this town is literally full of people who like women. throwa fucking rock and it will statistically hit someone who would wnat to have this conversation far more than i ever will
can we clarify that now
can u find self-restraint enough to be like "you know who really doesnt appreciate these jokes? eddie. eddies super tired of having to hear about hot chicks every fuckin second of his waking life that it'd be a real nice break for him to know at least one person like him who doesnt talk about hot chicks on a regular basis"
or is that
asking too much
am i asking for a miracle
i have a feeling i am asking for a miracle.

anyway. ashe is just some chick chloe sees as a mom or whatever and chloe goes hangs out at her place all the time. i havent talked to ashe in months and shes never around our place so beats me dude. she has guns? like every other adult here? i dont know. i dont really pay attention to if chloe brings people around. she talks to everyone in town so who fuckin knows.

sure it is.

(He is definitely still grumpy from the whole demon thing.)

[If this were an iPhone, there would be three dots floating in the air for about ten minutes right about now.]

that's not how I meant it I thought Ashe was like
her girlfriend
I was asking if she'd bring her girlfriend over so I know to skedaddle
now that I know she's not and that she's like a mom to her I'm just gonna go clean out my brain now and forget I ever said anything

[He doesn't know Chloe's friends, he just knows she's practically Eddie's sister! He should probably get to know her better now that Richie thinks about it.]

but y I think you are in fact asking for a miracle there
but lucky for you it's the season for miracles so
I'll slow down on that front some for you it's dick jokes only from here on out and nothing about pussy

[He wouldn't even know anything about pussy, he's like, fourteen, and gay.]

if it helps
it's the softest blanket in the house

how was i supposed to have evver known thats how you meant it??????
most people just go
hey are they dating
not everyone even dates hot people
anyway why would you have to leave just cause her girlfriends over???
chloe's girlfriend LIVED with us dude
max
shes not here anymore though
even if she was though i dont see why you'd have if she was around?

right. im not going to hold out hopes for any improvement there.
i'd die happy if i never had to hear about pussy again in my life
and we all know i dont die happy so

(EDDIE WOW CAN YOU NOT MAKE A JOKE THAT DARK.)

i do like soft blankets.

I was thinking I'd give them privacy in case things got loud AND steamy
contrary to popular belief and what I say I'm not THAT into voyeurism

[That is a good joke! Unfortunately Richie does not like the idea of Eddie dying, at any point in time.]

I'll make you a deal
I'll slow down on the pussy jokes if you slow down on the jokes about you dying because [I don't want to think about you dying, especially dying horribly, because you deserve better than that, you always have.]
they're pretty fucked up and not the kind that's funny onstage either

cool I have lots of them
and I promised you we'd watch Blues Brothers so

ive lived with chloe for years and have never heard her having sex
and i know she has plenty of it
shes just not an asshole about it so it's not really something you gotta worry about

(Eddie doesn't respond right away. It's not often (actually this might be the first time period) that Richie is the one asking someone to stop with a type of joke.

Which is monumental in and of itself. But...Given the context...Eddie feels a little bad.)

okay. no more pussy jokes and no more dead jokes.

(Easy enough to promise. And-)

im sorry.

can we watch it in the greenhouse?
we can hang sheets and
i got a projectioner thing
i have no idea how to spell that but you know what i mean. it's a weird modern one where you can just hook it up with your fluid and put whatevers on your fluid on a wall or something
i wont lie i have zero clue how it fucking works but it does ive watched like every single taylor swift music video with it

oh cool okay good
I don't want to hear anything more about your sister's sex life it's enough to know she's had a shitton

[It is, in fact, the first time Richie's ever asked someone to stop, ever asked Eddie to stop something. He wouldn't, usually, but—knowing that Eddie dies in the future, knowing how? He's not sure he can take any more jokes about Eddie's future death, at least not now. He doesn't even want to think about it.]

no it's okay
we're great at making fucked up jokes and usually I don't have lines but
apparently I do, huh??

sure!!
it's projector btw
what seriously?? that's so awesome where did you even get that
all the film projectors I know about here are like fifties projectors
what's the best one?? maybe we can screen that before the movie

you're the one who brought it up.

it's okay, richie. i think of all lines to have that's probably an understandable one.

(Eddie really wasn't going to hold that over Richie's head ever.)

same difference you knew what i was saying
stacys.
dude
they have like everything there
theres a lot of updated tech at that store
whats the best taylor swift music video??????? ? ?? ?
like
of all time?
or by era
cause one of those is a lot easier to answer than the other

and I regret it

if it helps
if I ever die in this shithole I give you and Ben and any other Losers full permission to make the worst jokes about it before I come back from the dead

ok that explains it I don't hit Stacy's all that much
uhhhhh idk of all time???
like right off the top of your head what's the one video you think would stand up to the video for Thriller

no. if i cant make jokes about dying then you can't make jokes about dying either. death jokes are off the table.
i'd kill you if you died.

you should its got everything

ugh. Look What YOu Made Me Do, obviously, would compare against Thriller but that video is something you can mostly appreciate if you already really like HER cause there's a lot of jokes in it. I like the Me! music video best probably.
but the Man is pretty funny too honestly
I dunno man she does a lot of tongue in cheek videos that have a lot of jokes
whereas thrillers like SERIOUS or tries to be serious?

ok nothing about either of us dying I think we can probably do that
I'm gonna try my best not to die then but I make no promises

whaddaya mean serious it's just Michael Jackson trying to get into this girl's pants and then turning into a zombie with sick-ass dance moves midway through and then the whole thing is a fucked-up dream
(or IS IT)
it's like a B-movie where the teenagers die gruesomely after fucking or getting high or whatever but with more dancing
although ok now I kinda want to see The Man

lol i cant even make that promise it'd just be a lie

okay yeah but the way people TALK about it is super serious people reverre the dude
or however its spelled
taylor has a video like that in Bad Blood where shes in this giant girl gang terf war and recruits all these chicks who know how to fight and it's really obnoxious and amazing in my non biased opinion
the man she's just dressed up like a man and is an asshole for 3 minutes straight it's great

this place is trying its best to kill us we should stop making promises about not dying any time soon because I honestly think it'll hear and go
"what a sucker"

it is a really catchy song though
and the dance moves are iconic or however the kids use that word these days
I can show you sometime it'll be fun and then you can bust it out next party and wow people
ok you're making a really good case for The Man there I am always a sucker for asshole comedy my vote's for The Man

yea thats actually probably a good idea.

me and chloe just promise to not let the town get between us. it's really all you can do?

it is a catchy song. it's definitely not a bad song. though that and the monster mash are like the only two songs people play all september and october long. at least christmas music has some variety even if it's like the same 5 songs variety
i do like dances.
i should show you some me and chloe remember kpop dances all the time
which oh my god you probably dont even KNOW what that is
sweet then we'll watch the Man.

deercountry inbox.

ok sorry but i had to - like two days after their emotional talk ok ok - text

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im sorry eddie is a Bitch

it ok he's used to this

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tw possible child death

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