maskormenace ic contact.

[measuringdicks]

welcome to the derry chapter of the sad shits who can't find a good fuck club! unfortunately no one can come to the phone right now because we're trying to get laid, but leave a message after the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. thanks.

( voice | video | text | action )

Comments

[measuringdicks]

Hi, shitprince. [Richie waves hello, grinning wide. This is, apparently, his way of showing affection.] That’s okay. I’m not picky, I’ll settle for aunts.

Can I bring a friend? His name’s Eddie. I’ll save all mom jokes for him, he knows to expect them from me.

[snowsparksjr]

Sure. Aunts should be okay.

[He thinks about it for a moment to be sure, genuinely considering what would offend people.] Maybe no aunt jokes in front of the one-armed man, if he's there. Just in case.

Uncle jokes should be okay, too.

[This unironically, despite Jin Ling's high level of homophobia. He doesn't know enough about mom jokes to know that they're usually sexual.]

[measuringdicks]

What happened to him, his aunt cut his arm off? [He's imagining something grisly, like sending a whole arm to the guy's family to send a message.]

...I guess. [Hahahaha yeah no. Richie hasn't quite reached that point where he can joke about his own sexuality just yet.]

[snowsparksjr]

[Jin Ling feels like it would be the wrong choice to explain that Meng Yao's mother was a prostitute and thus if he has an aunt she might also have been a prostitute.] Just don't.

[measuringdicks]

She totally cut his arm off. [That’s the fantasy he’s going to go with forever, now.] Okay, no aunt jokes around one-armed guy. How about sister jokes?

[snowsparksjr]

NO! [Jin Ling looks genuinely panicked.] Nooooooo.

[How to explain this. Maybe this invitation isn't such a good idea after all.]

Listen, he murdered most of his family. Seriously don't.

[measuringdicks]

...and you guys invited him to a lantern festival? [Pauuuuse.] Hey, totally unrelated, where you guys were from, did you hear voices from the sewers?

[This is exactly the kind of thing that would happen in Derry honestly.]

[snowsparksjr]

We're trying to rehabilitate him.

No voices from the sewers. Just the restless undead.

[measuringdicks]

Do you really think that's gonna work out? Because if a guy kills most of his family that usually means he goes either straight to prison or he goes to the loony bin.

[Which had happened to Henry Bowers, not that Richie's aware of that just yet. His parents had made damn sure he wouldn't hear about it, because Bowers had been his classmate and it wouldn't be good for him to know he'd shared classes with a teenaged murderer. (His parents don't know shit.)]

Mm-hm. And these restless undead, didja ever see a clown among them? Orange hair, white makeup, red lines under his eyes, red balloons everywhere? Talks about floating a little too much?

[snowsparksjr]

That's really not your business.

No 'clowns'. Nothing of that description.

[measuringdicks]

Fine. But if shit goes down, I want it on the record I said I told you so.

[Oh, that's—something, at least.]

Just—thought that might have something to do with it, 's'all. [But then again, who's to say an alternate It isn't responsible for all the zombies and the crazy one-armed dude killing his whole family? Richie wouldn't put it past It, to summon zombies, and he knows from experience that It can push people to do some fucked-up shit.] If you see a clown, do me a favor and stay the fuck away from him, yeah? Especially if it starts chanting about floating.

just to confuse you even further about this canon

[snowsparksjr]

Fine. [Jin Ling shrugs.] The only person I've seen recently in weird white makeup was my uncle while he was pretending to be my other, crazier, gay uncle, and anyway I don't think any clowns stand a chance against my uncles.

[measuringdicks]

[Oh. Gay uncles. Huh. That’s something. Richie mulls this over, then snickers.]

I know one clown who definitely couldn’t. [Eat shit, Pennywise.] Hey, uh—what’s your uncle’s name? The crazy gay one, not the one who dressed up like a clown. But I need to know his name too so I can avoid the shit out of him.

[Nothing personal, Richie just doesn’t like clowns.]

playing an extended game of 'explain your canon as confusingly as possible'

[snowsparksjr]

The crazy gay one was Mo Xuanyu. He's not here. He sacrificed his body to be possessed by the other one to carry out his revenge. It's all very complicated.

The other one's Wei Wuxian. He's pretty nice actually, and he only wore the makeup at first when he was pretending to be Mo Xuanyu, but then Lan Wangji--not one of my uncles as far as I know--took him home and calmed him the fuck down.

[measuringdicks]

...so you have zombies and ghosts? And your uncle's a ghost, but he's not? [And also he sounds kind of gay to Richie, he's done something close to that for Eddie a few times.] Jesus fucking Christ. You guys sound crazier than the Corleones.

[snowsparksjr]

Yup, exactly. [There you go, Richie, now you're all caught up.]

[measuringdicks]

[A laugh.]

Wanna watch the Godfather with me? I bet you'd like it, the Corleones are just as fucking wild as your uncles sound like, but with less zombies and more guns.

[snowsparksjr]

I don't know what that is, but yeah. Let's do it.