maskormenace ic contact.

[measuringdicks]

welcome to the derry chapter of the sad shits who can't find a good fuck club! unfortunately no one can come to the phone right now because we're trying to get laid, but leave a message after the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. thanks.

( voice | video | text | action )

Comments

Text;

[atypically]

So what do you think? Are these people certifiable or are we completely fucked?

[measuringdicks]

god please don't let us be completely fucked

it'd be really fucked up to go from fighting a kid-killer to being killed in a stupid apocalypse

[atypically]

Seriously, these people are talking about it like it's totally normal so they gotta be fucked, right?


Yeah, seriously. So not cool.

[measuringdicks]

apparently for some of them it's normal where they're from??

which is so many kinds of fucked up that I don't know where to start

I talked with this lady and she said "apocalypse experts" which is

what the fuck

why

[atypically]

Yeah, I'm getting that and seriously, this place has just got to be a fucked up fever dream or something. Nothing makes fucking sense.

WHY DO THEY NEED APOCALYPSE EXPERTS?

[measuringdicks]

if this is a fever dream then one of us is a hallucination and honestly

I feel way too fucking real to be the hallucination here

I DON'T KNOW

I started looking through the network again and went deeper this time and they have

fucking

zombie apocalypse experts

SPECIFICALLY

[atypically]

WHAT is this fucking place? Seriously, what the FUCK?

[measuringdicks]

I don't KNOW

everyone's so fucking calm about this why the FUCK is everyone so CALM

[atypically]

That's the fucking part that gets me the most. Why the fuck is everyone so CALM? HOW the fuck is everyone so calm?

[measuringdicks]

maybe they're all smoking the really good weed

fuck if I know how everyone's so calm

maybe it's the Experience

when you've lost your apocalypse virginity once before it's hard to be shocked when another one tries to fuck you

[atypically]

I really hope it's not the experience because that would mean that this isn't going to be a one-off.

[measuringdicks]

I meant like

for the ones who came from apocalypses already

they've been fucked up the ass once before they're good to go again

but also apparently there was another world before this one that had imports and that one ended like years ago so hey guess this one's not totally a one-off

[atypically]

...great. God, I fucking hate it here.

[measuringdicks]

it totally fucking sucks

at least it's not Derry but

still fucking sucks

Video |

[privatepurchases]

[So Gabriel showed up, they maybe went to the movie, and he sat in the back and he had...soda. And at least tried popcorn and the truth is it's not that bad but...The archangel's stern visage appears before he speaks.]

...I feel like I should not have let you into that movie many adults were giving me strange looks.

[pause]

You don't seem to have any problems however emotionally or affected negatively by...that.

...That was not as good as sound of music however.

[HE completely did not get it. But.]

What other movies are there.

[measuringdicks]

They do that all the time. Don’t worry about it.

[says Richie, who definitely worries about the way people look at him a lot.]

It was fucking awesome. [He’s thirteen, and this movie catered perfectly to his sense of humor. He’s gonna take Eddie to this movie.] The best part was when the van exploded right after he’d gotten his team assembled, that was great.

[A snort.] You’re just biased.

I don’t know if it exists here, but there’s Gremlins, it’s pretty funny. Less explosions, though.

[privatepurchases]

[His mouth sets]

...Can someone consume soda and popcorn at this Gremlins?

[His features set] I did enjoy the experience of being in a theater. Do you go to them regularly? Like Quentin Beck?

[measuringdicks]

You can drink soda and eat popcorn at any movie, that's what soda and popcorn are for.

[Ah. Beck. Richie makes a face, because his last encounter with Quentin Beck hadn't exactly ended well, but he's not going to say anything to Gabriel about it.]

Yeah, every Friday. Sometimes Saturdays too if there's another movie I wanna watch.

[privatepurchases]

Will you watch other movies besides ones that are juvenile like this?

It- you should. that seems right. Even if you dislike sound of music there seems to be a lot of different movies. It's fascinating. You should see all of them.

[measuringdicks]

You know I’m technically a juvenile, right? Movies like this are perfect for me. [But he nods.] I have like, a ton of shit I wanna watch, but I dunno if you’d be into Crawling Eye or American Werewolf in London. They’re both horror movies, but the werewolf’s funnier.

I’m trying! There’s a lot of movies, and that’s just the ones that exist here.

texts

[germhating_hypochondriac]

Richie
Richie
RICHIE
They told me I have a power to see the future in my dreams.
I had a dream. I wasn't here. People were chasing me and I couldn't get back here.
i can't stop thinking about it. It's not like a regular dream that I'd forget. It's like I remember it more.
i think my dream's gonna come true.

[privatepurchases]

This is my issue. Humans being make art the same way they destroy the ozone and the planet. It's everywhere.

[It's...interesting. Maybe by a hair. He folds his hands.] Thank you for taking me but maybe you shouldn't watch funny ones. You could also consider violent ones.

action

[measuringdicks]

[Richie does not answer via text.

He does, however, toss pebbles at Eddie’s window just five minutes later, his bike chained up outside the house. Yes, it’s dark. No, he doesn’t give a shit.]

Hey! Hey, Eddie! Eddie Spaghetti Fedelini, let me fucking in!

[measuringdicks]

Just means more options. You can’t watch everything, but you can watch whatever shit you wanna watch.

[A snort of laughter.] This coming from the guy who thinks Sound of Music’s the best movie ever. Your taste is worse than mine. And anyway, how’m I gonna be a good comic if I don’t watch funny movies?

[privatepurchases]

...Options.

[Options are hard kid. He nods slowly.]

Comic is someone who's funny? Who tells jokes right? You can make money doing that?