maskormenace ic contact.

[measuringdicks]

welcome to the derry chapter of the sad shits who can't find a good fuck club! unfortunately no one can come to the phone right now because we're trying to get laid, but leave a message after the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. thanks.

( voice | video | text | action )

Comments

Text;

[atypically]

So what do you think? Are these people certifiable or are we completely fucked?

[measuringdicks]

god please don't let us be completely fucked

it'd be really fucked up to go from fighting a kid-killer to being killed in a stupid apocalypse

[atypically]

Seriously, these people are talking about it like it's totally normal so they gotta be fucked, right?


Yeah, seriously. So not cool.

[measuringdicks]

apparently for some of them it's normal where they're from??

which is so many kinds of fucked up that I don't know where to start

I talked with this lady and she said "apocalypse experts" which is

what the fuck

why

Video |

[privatepurchases]

[So Gabriel showed up, they maybe went to the movie, and he sat in the back and he had...soda. And at least tried popcorn and the truth is it's not that bad but...The archangel's stern visage appears before he speaks.]

...I feel like I should not have let you into that movie many adults were giving me strange looks.

[pause]

You don't seem to have any problems however emotionally or affected negatively by...that.

...That was not as good as sound of music however.

[HE completely did not get it. But.]

What other movies are there.

[measuringdicks]

They do that all the time. Don’t worry about it.

[says Richie, who definitely worries about the way people look at him a lot.]

It was fucking awesome. [He’s thirteen, and this movie catered perfectly to his sense of humor. He’s gonna take Eddie to this movie.] The best part was when the van exploded right after he’d gotten his team assembled, that was great.

[A snort.] You’re just biased.

I don’t know if it exists here, but there’s Gremlins, it’s pretty funny. Less explosions, though.

[privatepurchases]

[His mouth sets]

...Can someone consume soda and popcorn at this Gremlins?

[His features set] I did enjoy the experience of being in a theater. Do you go to them regularly? Like Quentin Beck?

texts

[germhating_hypochondriac]

Richie
Richie
RICHIE
They told me I have a power to see the future in my dreams.
I had a dream. I wasn't here. People were chasing me and I couldn't get back here.
i can't stop thinking about it. It's not like a regular dream that I'd forget. It's like I remember it more.
i think my dream's gonna come true.

action

[measuringdicks]

[Richie does not answer via text.

He does, however, toss pebbles at Eddie’s window just five minutes later, his bike chained up outside the house. Yes, it’s dark. No, he doesn’t give a shit.]

Hey! Hey, Eddie! Eddie Spaghetti Fedelini, let me fucking in!

action

[germhating_hypochondriac]

[Eddie runs to the window about to open it, then remembers he doesn't have to sneak Richie inside and runs downstairs to open the door. He moves inside, pacing nervously]

What the fuck am I gonna do?  They're all gonna be chasing me.

[germhating_hypochondriac]

are you still you?

[measuringdicks]

YES
are you okay Eddie
where the fuck are you bc I’m at Heropa right now and I’m this close to climbing the fence to get into the base

[germhating_hypochondriac]

i'm at the base, like being portered here before.
i'm mostly okay.
are you okay?
don't climb the fence.

[germhating_hypochondriac]

Boba Fett is here.
He says he's not batshit.

[measuringdicks]

want me to keep an eye on him to make sure he’s telling the truth?

[germhating_hypochondriac]

even if he's telling the truth, he's still Boba Fett
we shouldn't get too close to him

video

[snowsparksjr]

Hey brat. [Pot, kettle.]

We're having a Lantern Festival in the park. It's a traditional festival from our home.

You can come if you want, I'll send the address. No jokes about anyone's mom or someone really will break your legs.

[measuringdicks]

Hi, shitprince. [Richie waves hello, grinning wide. This is, apparently, his way of showing affection.] That’s okay. I’m not picky, I’ll settle for aunts.

Can I bring a friend? His name’s Eddie. I’ll save all mom jokes for him, he knows to expect them from me.

[snowsparksjr]

Sure. Aunts should be okay.

[He thinks about it for a moment to be sure, genuinely considering what would offend people.] Maybe no aunt jokes in front of the one-armed man, if he's there. Just in case.

Uncle jokes should be okay, too.

[This unironically, despite Jin Ling's high level of homophobia. He doesn't know enough about mom jokes to know that they're usually sexual.]

[germhating_hypochondriac]

Are you okay?
Can you feel shit now?
Please be okay.

[measuringdicks]

where the FUCK are you I’ve been biking all over the place
yes I can feel shit again
this is fucking terrifying what the fuck were we thinking coming out here to fight a goddamn monster army

[germhating_hypochondriac]

I must be following you.  Finding power, remember?  Stay the fuck still so I can catch up to you.
Oh thank god. I thought I was gonna lose you Fucking finally.
We were thinking we had to make you better and we were right.

mail;

[irondad]

( Arriving in the mail today is a slim, black envelope addressed to you, closed with a black wax seal. On opening, there’s an invitation. How curious! )

text; id is richard king

[measuringdicks]

I have no fuckin idea how you got this address but you know what?
fuck yes I'm coming

automated text; (crying with laughter ty)

[irondad]

Thank you for your RSVP!