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maskormenace ic contact.

welcome to the derry chapter of the sad shits who can't find a good fuck club! unfortunately no one can come to the phone right now because we're trying to get laid, but leave a message after the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. thanks.

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where the FUCK are you I’ve been biking all over the place
yes I can feel shit again
this is fucking terrifying what the fuck were we thinking coming out here to fight a goddamn monster army

I must be following you. Finding power, remember? Stay the fuck still so I can catch up to you.
~~Oh thank god. I thought I was gonna lose you~~ Fucking finally.
We were thinking we had to make you better and we were right.

okay okay okay I'm gonna stay on this corner
fucking hell
if we have to fight monsters a third time we're bringing something other than a fucking baseball bat

are you okay???

Okay, good.
Yeah, we need you to go old and buy all the weapons we can't get as kids and store'em in our clubhouse.
Yeah, I'm okay.
Are you sure you're okay? What are you feeling right now?

first we need a clubhouse and then let's think about the stockpile of weapons we're gonna be sticking in there
how the fuck do you think I feel right now I passed out not feeling anything and then woke back up with so many fucking feelings again

[He hadn't blurted his feelings for Eddie through the whole thing, but he had come way, way too close for comfort. It's a little terrifying now.]

also I'm this close to puking so watch out

I'm sorry, Richie.
What if you think of really boring shit, that won't make you feel too much? Like do math in your head. Or I can tell you all the ways I cleaned my room.

Get the fuck off your bike and take deep breaths.

[He rides his bike faster, as he makes his way around the corner.]

If you are gonna puke, turn your head away from me cause I'm almost there. I can see you, can you see me?

tell me all the ways you deep-cleaned your room even though it really didn't need that much effort

[There's Richie, all right, his bike leaning against a lamp post, a baseball bat lying against a tree. Used, definitely—there are claw marks on the bat, like something had jumped Richie and he'd only just brought it up in time. Richie himself is pacing restlessly, a marked difference from just the day before, when he was just—eerily still, most of the time.

He turns.] Eddie! Fuck me with a bat, those things didn't get you, did they?

[Eddie texts a long description of cleaning, being as boring as he could. He gets off his bike, leaning it against the nearest building and runs to Richie, very worried. So much for being boring.

No, they didn't get me. I'm fine. What about you? Jesus, I wouldn't fuck you with that bat, it's probably full of monster germs. Were you holding it? Are you hurt?

[He grabs at Richie's hands, checking them for any sign of injury.]

Quit pacing. You'll step on all the sidewalk cracks, break your mom's back, then how am I gonna fuck her?

[Translation, stay still so I can make sure you're okay.]

Look on the bright side. Maybe you won't need a footstool to fuck her anymore. [But he stops pacing, letting Eddie take a look at his hands. They're fine enough—bruised and somewhat scraped up, at worst, but ultimately just minor hurts. The major hurt is in Richie's heart, now safely returned to its owner, and how rapidly it speeds up when Eddie takes his hands.

I love you, he thinks, desperately. He'd said as much already, but it doesn't count when you can't feel it. Doesn't count when you couch it in terms of friendship, put it on the same level as all your other friends, because it's not.]

All the monster bits on my bat faded at the same time the rest of them did, there's no monster germs left. [He shakes his head.] I was holding it, and then I passed out here. When I woke up they were all gone.

[Eddie gives a very quick annoyed look at the footstool comment, only because he wants Richie to feel like things are normal. He studies Richie's hands carefully, then opens up his fanny pack, taking out a small tube of antibiotic ointment and a few band-aids]

This won't sting. I got the good kind.

[He puts ointment and band-aids on any spots where Richie's hands are bleeding.]

You're starting to sound like you want to get fucked with a bat.

[His eyes grow wide with concern.]

You passed out and you feel like puking? Did you hit your head when you passed out? Are you ears ringing? Does stuff look blurry?

Your mom's real kinky, what can I say.

[Richie Tozier, running for Most Pathetic of 1989/2020, everybody. Watch as all his internal fire alarms go off because his best friend is applying ointment and band-aids to his hands, and therefore touching his hands.

He shakes his head.]

No, no, and yeah, all the time, the glasses are shockingly not just there for show. [Speaking of glasses, he pulls his hands away as soon as Eddie's done and pushes his glasses up his nose.] I'm fine. I passed out around the same time all those monsters went away, and then I woke back up and I could feel again, so maybe that's got something to do with it. And you'd throw up too if monster brains got splattered all over your shoes.

[Richie's shoes look about as scuffed and worn as they regularly do, no monster brains (or shadowy monster bits?) there.]

[Eddie looks Richie up and down for any other spots needing medical attention, then puts the ointment and remaining band-aids back in his fanny pack.]

I thought they were just there to give you something to fidget with, that teachers can't take away from you. Is stuff supposed to look blurry even when you're wearing them? [He looks into Richie's eyes and decides they look the same. Big and kind of pretty, not that he'd ever admit to thinking that about a boy.] Maybe. And no shit. I wanna puke just hearing about it.

I should have looked for you sooner. This lady helped me to fly over the monsters. Real superhero shit. Most of them monster-fied people weren't fighting. Just watching 'cause they didn't care.

No, they’re supposed to look clearer. And they are, when I’ve got my glasses on. [He takes them off, points at a sign further off in the distance, and says:] With these off, all I can tell is that the blob over there looks like a dick.

[There is no blob, but the sign he’s pointing at is actually for a florist’s shop: Mikayla’s Flower Shop, with a flourish on the end that looks like the bulb of a rose. To Richie, it looks like a dick. He slides his glasses back on.]

That’s fucking amazing. I would’ve gotten on the ship too, but, uh. [Yeah, he had no shits to give either, like all the other nobodies.] They didn’t fuck you up too badly, yeah?

[Eddie tilts his head and squints, thinking the sign looks more like one of the flowers his aunts would grow. He's not gonna say that because he knows all the jokes that would follow. Plus, he's still worried.]

But with them on, things look normal? So, you're good?

Not a ship. Flying through the air like Superman. Or better than Superman 'cause this was flying not just a big jump. [He shakes his head.] Nah, they didn't get near me. I was too high up. The lady I was with could make fire and she burned the fuckers!

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